Today, I walked in on my colleagues talking about a story that was in the news about a high-school teenager who committed suicide because he was being bullied in school…
To say I was devastated by this story is an understatement. The news sent goosebumps running through my whole body and I felt this sudden pressure in my chest. It took me running down memory lane; I remembered my days in high school and college, and honestly, I couldn’t remember a time I was bullied… physically…
This is probably because I was quite a tall child…
However, I do know what it feels like when people make you feel unwanted or different and although this has been a personal struggle since pre-school (based on different factors such as poverty, learning disabilities and so on) it never ended there…
Usually when we hear the word bully, our imagination goes to a small child being beaten up by a bigger child or a senior snatching the lunch box of a junior and so on. I think it’s the same way we see the word abuse.
I will never forget the day myself and a good friend of mine were walking down a street in Lagos, Nigeria. We overheard a man on phone talking to someone about his wife, whom he said was always complaining that he abuses her. The man was obviously bitter and felt wronged because he kept repeating; “I’ve never laid a finger on her since the day we got married! I can never hit a woman!”
I felt sorry for him because he obviously didn’t know that there are different types of abuse.
The same thing applies to bullying, just as there are different types of abuse, there are also different types of bully…
For many of us who were bullied in school; whether physically, emotionally, verbally, socially or intellectually, we feel a huge relief on the day of graduation, finally, all is over, no more! We think now that we’re grown, no one can bully us anymore… Then we get to our job, and the cycle continues!
That’s why I want to write briefly on Workplace Bullying…
Workplace Bullying – a persistent pattern of mistreatment from others in the workplace that causes either physical or emotional harm… a repeated, unreasonable actions of individuals (or a group) directed towards an employee (or a group of employees), which is intended to intimidate, degrade, offend, or humiliate a worker, leaving the feelings of defenselessness in the target and undermines an individual’s right to dignity at work.
One thing that baffles me about bullies in the work place is that you may be one and not event know it! To you it might just be a ‘harmless’ gossip or rumor you’re spreading about your colleague or it may just be that you’re exercising your right as a boss to correct your subordinate by telling them how useless they are and delving into their personal life or making reference to something they told you in confidence in order to feel superior over them. It may even just be that new girl in the office that you just don’t want to associate yourself with so you and your ‘clique’ in the office ostracize her and make fun of her funny accent or dressing or whatever…
You know who else it might be? It might be an intern or entry level staff who is trying to gain some experience and is a little naïve, who makes quite a number of mistakes and you just can’t have it anymore so you lash out, and you say stuff like; “I pity who will ever hire you” “You are so dumb” “You disgust me” “You will never be become somebody in life if you keep this up” “This is why you graduated with a third class” “Who will ever hire a person like you” “I’ve never seen a person who is as … as you” “And you call yourself a graduate?” “How did you manage to graduate?” and so on…
Sometimes, you say it to their face, sometimes you whisper it to another co-worker…
Maybe you think I’m just making up these scenarios but trust me, I’m not… some of these words and worst have been spoken to me and some to people I know.
It baffles me sometimes how we can look at another human and say somethings or do stuff… it’s like we are oblivious of the fact that the person we are talking to or about has blood running down their veins too.
Let me just state this: because a person has a different personality type, race, religion, or measure of intelligence does not give you the right to make them feel inferior! No matter if you are a boss or a subordinate! No one deserves to be bullied!
We all have baggage in life. Everyone, including your employees have problems that they are dealing with in their personal life and when the workplace becomes too toxic, it doesn’t just kill your employees, it kills your business. Life is hard enough on it’s own, we don’t have to be the reason someone else commits suicide…
Bullying kills self-esteem, it creates anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress symptoms, suicidal ideation, it kills commitment and devotion. Trust me you don’t want an employee with these issues in your business.
If you’re a parent whose child experience bullying, you know how devastated it makes them, don’t go to your workplace and make someone else feel that way.
Always remember, whether you are talking directly to or about a person, or you are hiding behind your keypads – there is a human at the other side of your conversation. It cost you nothing to be kind to people…
And just before you open your mouth to condemn abuse, or defend you kids against a bully, take a moment and ask yourself, am I any different? How do I treat the people around me?
Thank you.
Victoria.
