I must confess that when I left Jamaica to serve as an Atlas Corps Fellow, I didn’t do so of my own accord and/or convictions. I was packed up [literally] and shipped off by a group of amazing friends [AND support system] that the universe blessed me with over the past two years.
They, even before I did, believed this fellowship and the realm of possibilities that came with it, was exactly what the doctor prescribed. They, and I [on those VERY rare occasions], were praying for an intervention to ignite and reinvigorate the light that once shone ever so bright within me. Something that would help me to rediscovered the song I once sang- My passion or as I would say my purpose in life.
When my mother died in 2013, I suffered two deaths- that of my mother and other of my soul. I could no longer hear the songs of my heart, nor was I sure of my purpose in life in general. For my entire life, my sole reason for living was my mother; everything I ever wanted to become, everything I did were strategically guided by a desire to make her proud.
She was my reason for being-my foundation-, so naturally when that foundation was removed; I was shaken to my core. I crumbled, and ‘all the king’s horses and all the king’s men– [and tried they did], couldn’t put Anna and Kim back together again. I became, as I recall my best-friend saying ever so often, a shadow of myself.
So after receiving the news that Atlas Corps had found a host organization, my first impulse was to reply that I was no longer available. Luckily, because I had recognized that I wasn’t in a position to make [key] decisions regarding my life, I had given my best friend custody over important affairs. [AND] so, we had agreed that on ‘Matters regarding my professional and personal affairs’, I would consult with her before making a decision. So from my initial notification regarding placement, through to the final confirmation that I would be serving at Heartland Alliance International, we were in consultation.
More like negotiations, I was creating a list of reasons why I ought not to go. I presented my arguments and she nodded, responding only with ‘fair enough’. – End of conversation. Unknown to me, she was creating a list of ‘101 reasons why YOU should go’. [ AND] that she was calling in ‘reinforcement’- the support system- all of whom had been praying for an intervention and, were not about to let this opportunity, or as they all phrased it, ‘the answer to their prayers’, pass. Outnumbered, and feeling that in the scheme of things, I had nothing else to lose; I accepted the offer to become a fellow.
And so, with the blessings and support of my circle of friends [and the universe of course], I set off for the US.
To embark on journey unknown to me; with a sense of indifference, and the one advice that stood out from the myriad of advises given.
‘YOU Are WORTHY’ – of happiness… of greatness… of being your best YOU… of living your best life…BELIEVE that you ARE worthy.
A month later, the journey while still unknown, is taking form.